From the Mind of Mad Man

Today is a day I feel like I can use a bottle of whiskey and a gun. Leaving the house makes me feel like I'm trapped in a box of commercialism, and bullshit. Work sucks, I feel like I rob people of hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars in fee money just to place them in an apartment. I hate feeling like I'm taking advantage of people, yet in my profession, that is how I feel. I feel like a male whore. I guess that's a gigolo, a male whore is a gigolo. But that is what I feel like. A big fat rat, when at the end of the day, no matter how much cheese you make, you're still a rat. Well this rat has no cheese, no crackers, and worst of all, no money. Bills are piled up and backed up. Money is owed to all sorts of companies, banks, friends and even the government. It's like who don't I owe something too? It's frustrating and when you are constantly asking yourself "Why am I here?" should you continue to stay where you are? Is being around friends, more important than doing what is right? Is swallowing my pride a better answer? I'm sure it is, but today feels like a whiskey and a gun chaser kind of day. I would never do it. I'm not that type, but feeling like I'm in financial quicksand and can't get out of it and it is tiresome. I'm letting it effect my health, my relationships, and my mental state. I'm living in squalor both in my personal and my professional life. My heart failure was supposed to be a wake up call, yet I feel more and more like a zombie daily. Just going through the motions. Looking for the daily scraps of brains to keep me going another day. I am the start of the zombie apocalypse, all the debtors of the nations, are the zombies. We just don't know it yet. So here's to you Jack, and you too MR. Smith & Mr. Wesson, may you never be in my hands, when I'm feeling like this.