I have no way to say.
Hoping you and I
will once again play.
Like the two young
lovers we once were.
Letting people in was never my thing
then you came along
and inserted your key of light,
into my heart of darkness.
Not knowing what you do,
for it comes naturally to you,
you opened me up once more.
So don't run to
another man's arms,
until you've felt mine
around you one more time.
Don't run to an other's mind,
until you've picked
my brain......one more time.
And please just see me
for who I am.....a caring man!
Posts
Did you mean to say "Saving" or "saying"? I like it as "saving" because it adds a deeper dimension (if that makes any sense) to the experience of holding back. To save words one cannot say is an overwhelming feeling. Yet the speaker of the poem hopes for a future that reflects the past. I wonder if those words saved can bring the past into tomorrow, maybe a sequel to this poem?
ReplyDeleteThank you. I thought it did say saving? But it does now if it didn't before. :-) I added to it with some more, but I'm not sure the second part belongs with this or separate or not at all.....
ReplyDeleteI think the additions connect because of your last line of the first stanza that deals with the past. (side note: no apostrophe in "lovers). However, I want to get a stronger sense of the speaker sharing himself with this lost lover, to reveal some of the "words" saved or to portray the struggle of sharing the words. The first sentence gives a sense of vulnerability or apprehension but then the rest becomes quickly confident. Possibly add some lines that work through the giving over or up of some of these "words" (i.e. feelings of vulnerability) to get to this "here I am, see me fully" attitude. Ending strong does give the reader a sense of stability, which is always powerful when taken through the speaker's feelings of uncertainty. (Hope this is not too specific of comments.)
ReplyDelete